Because I have made numerous lists concerning this summer and Paris, I can assert that things are not going according to plan.
Whenever I find myself in need of a mental break or I’m feeling stressed out, I’ll console myself by making a tidy list. In my to-do lists, I might account for every hour of my day. Ex: 4-5pm shower. 530-6pm eat dinner”,(as if I really needed to remind myself I need to make time to eat) or I might write down all the places I need to visit in NYC before I leave.
With my excitement and anxiety for my year in Paris, many of the lists I have made (many thrown out after revised editions have been made, others still tucked in the pages of my journal) detail the thing I need to buy or do before my trip. I have no idea if I’ll wind up referring back to these lists and following them, but they’re a good way to remind myself of the good things to come.
According to my lists dating back from my first year in college, this summer I should be interning and holding a full time job. I’m not sure about full time employment, but I’m not too confident that I’ll hear back from a single internship I applied for. My failure is further thrown in my face when classmates reiterate “you don’t know what you’re doing this summer?!” and then continue to describe their superior summer plans. I feel like saying “thank you for your concern but I still have time! Something could change by the time summer starts! Have faith”. But I’m also secretly sharing their fear for my future.
Already, another derailment to my plans is my very first day in Paris-when I’ll be arriving a day earlier than my program starts. At the moment it looks like I’ll be sleeping on the streets of Paris. What an intimate experience! I couldn’t have planned it any better.
But I have four months until I’ll allow myself to freak out. Until then I’ll be trying to figure out housing arrangements for that one night.- a time when most Parisiens flee the city for les vacances. Much planning to pursue!